What we hate, we make. (brionna1107) wrote,
What we hate, we make.

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I am tired of being put down and feeling like shit because of it. I do not YELL at Anthony I simply tell him that I don't like what he does and that I worry about him. How fucking hard is it to see you are wasting your life and ruining alot of good things. Go ahead and find someone who will put up with as much as I did and still care about you. It won't happen. Some people never learn. They go through punishments that would make other people change their lives dramatically and then there's him, who after he gets in trouble for one thing moves onto the next. And thinks it's okay. Well it's not. I was feeling upset about not being with him but now I feel upset for still letting him get to me.

I know the people I am with now are good people, genuinly good people. They won't do the things that he did to me. I have found someone who actually cares and suprises me and thinks the world of me. Someone who pays attention to the little details. The littlest details. Someone who calls me beautiful EVERY FUCKING DAY. Someone who goes out of their way to make me feel important. I don't care what everyone else says, I really don't. I just wish people would SHUT THE FUCK UP.

I was put down today and the lowest blows were dealt. I cried and I felt bad and I wanted to run and do things I shouldn't. But I didn't. Instead I went to the ball fields and watched Tim umpire and Bob and Brad play. Then we went and got Giannamore's, since Brad's from out of town and had never experienced it. Good stuff. Then I saw Mike for a few minutes at Wal*Mart.

I just wish Anthony would realize I made a mistake in the past and that if he would have just gotten over it, as hard as it may have been, and seen that I wasn't going to do it again, things would have been great. I loved that boy more than anyone could love a person. I still care for him but I can not let him get to me anymore. I've got a headache again today from thinking about it.

It is nice to know that SOMEONE misses me and someone wants the best for me. I know I have people that will help me through this and keep me happy. I'm not going to screw that up. I know they are my true friends, despite what Anthony says. I just wish he could see that we could have been together forever, that everything could have been perfect.

But you know what, I don't think I will miss it. I like how my life is right now, it's just a shame I can't be proud of him or be happy when I talk to him.

So much for never makin' the same mistake
I can't believe I'm here again
So much for ever thinkin' that I could change
My good intentions still remain in chains

She's gotta be over me now
Probably moved on with her life
Found someone she knows she can believe
God I would give anything if I could just go back again
And be the man she needed me to be

I thought I was a hero
I played him well
He saves the day but not himself
I acted out the lover
My finest part
Had all the lines but not the heart
No look where we are

Be the man that she could trust, who put her first
Who tamed his demons, who healed her hurts
In health and sickness, who helped her grow
With no resentment, true repentance, God as my witness

She needed me to be
She needed me to be, oh
Whoa, hallelujah
Yeah, I could be that man she needed me, she needed me to be

Gotta love Keith Urban...so glad someone bought me the CD!!
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